To those few who do end up reading this though, I appreciate your attention, and apologize sincerely that after a 3-year absence from here, I only come back to once again, use it for bitching.
…But I really, really need to bitch right now.
On Gift Art.
Let me talk about gift art, there was a time, not too long ago, I found myself longing to do gift art for people, not because they did anything for me, or because they were my friend, or even acknowledge the fact that I’m even alive, but because I admired them or their art. That isn’t the case anymore, and I’m no longer going to even think about doing it for anyone save people who I KNOW are my good friends and who’ll properly appreciate it. In fact, in another week if I still find myself overly pissed about this, I’m removing all that gift art so there isn’t any trace of the fact I ever wasted my time on it
And here are the reasons…
You do gift art for one person, suddenly EVERYONE thinks they’re entitled to it, and start hounding you incessantly as if you’ve nothing better to do with yourself and have all the time in the world to devote on something they’ll spend a minute thanking you for (if at all) only to go back acting like you don’t exist again. Another fine reason, if they’re the sort who bombards FA with gift art for other people yet somehow entirely neglect you even after you’ve done something for them that really peeves me. I realize thinking you’d get something in return totally obliterates the concept of what a ‘gift’ means, but still, even if you don’t expect anything and they seem to enjoy doing things for other people, too…it would be nice not to be totally overlooked don’t you think?
And while we’re still on the subject, ever since I changed my fursona…nobody ever draws me. I was a bull for maybe a month to two years, and people LOVED drawing him and surprising me with stuff. I changed into a tiger and suddenly…maybe three or four people have bothered to do anything IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS.
WHAT THE FUCK.
If I wasn’t seeing other peoples characters drawn continuously week in, and week out, pictures that I know are not commissions, this wouldn’t bother me so much. But ever since I changed I just don’t seem to inspire people anymore and that really upsets me like you wouldn’t believe. Sometimes I spend my entire time looking through FA, wondering, what it is I’m doing wrong? WHY don’t I influence people like I used too? I realize that for the longest time, I was an absolute horrible asshole to a lot of people…but I’ve made such a turnaround in the past few years, I KNOW I have, and I still don’t motivate people to draw me, like other people seem to motivate them. That just makes me feel all kinds of shitty…and the same goes for my mate, I’ve seen couples on there celebrated with absolute passion in some peoples gift art…but not me and Simba. I think he put it best when he said ‘he’s the kid nobody wants to play with’, for as awful and crummy as I feel about this, I know he feels ten times worse…
*Takes a time out to hug him softly*…you’ll always have me to draw us though, you know that.
…But moving on.
Let’s talk about WATCHERS.
Watchers, I love ‘em, can’t get enough of that giddy little thrill I feel at seeing somebody new has watched me, I love looking over those new avatars in delight. However…seems I’m constantly losing them, and I mean…in fucking droves sometimes. One thing I cannot stand is seeing I have new watchers, only to realize when I look at the numbers I’ve lost several, too. I’ve been stuck at 2112 for the past two weeks…and I had an influx of watchers after my ‘egg sucking pic’, I was going up…only to go right back down. I’ve gained and then lost like, 10 watchers in the past week. It’s so phenomenally annoying, WHY do people watch me just to unwatch me again? Plus some people I’ve known for awhile just, out of the blue unwatched me…I go to ask them why exactly, and I’m met with the cold shoulder.
I realize I shouldn’t be so obsessed with this, but it really troubles me. I realize I go over a few subjects that might make some people uncomfortable, but I don’t do it for those reasons, nor do I do it that often…what’s the deal?
So…I’m just all sorts of baffled about that, too, I’m not sure how I’ll ‘hit the big-time’ with a horrible record for losing folks as I do on that web site.
Now, a rant about ‘Cliques’
I FUCKING HATE CLIQUES.
It’s not enough that some artists have accumulated about a billion watchers and fans, but they have to group themselves up ONLY with other artists of the same ludicrous amount of followers. They don’t give anyone they feel isn’t worth their time to spit on a moments regard. This wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t have like, several; examples from my sorted past on this web site of people who, were once not so terribly popular, who were more then happy to be my friends and speak to me, only to completely abandon me from all notice that I’m even still breathing once they gained ‘elite status’.
One artist in particular who did this pisses me off more over the rest, as when he started out on FA, he wasn’t all too terribly talented, or worth much notice to some I guess. But he added me and I really enjoyed talking to him. Then one day, he started, out of the blue posting this amazing stuff, and gained like, a thousand watchers overnight more than happy to cheer him on as he took a dump. Now when I try to speak with him he shows absolutely no interest in speaking with me whatsoever. I could tell him I’m on fire or that I joined the circus, and I’d be lucky to be replied too with one of those retarded Y! emotes.
…not to go off topic, but don’t you absolutely hate when you type out an essay to a person on how you are, what you’re up to, only to be met with a stupid smile face, followed by utter silence?
That really pisses my off.
He’s more than happy however to speak with other elitists though, and call them the ‘cool kids club’.
Remember folks, you’re only cool up until your icon isn’t showcased on their user page anymore…then you’re a nobody.
Furthermore, on the subject of one-sided assemblies, why don’t we address ‘families’, ‘Favorite artists’ & ‘Best bud’ listings on people’s pages.
I’m not on a fucking one of those.
Sure I’m friends with about 200 people, many who have put these links to their favorite people on their pages, yet I’m entirely overlooked. When people list these icons on, stating how they favor certain individuals over other people they know, it’s not only a virtual slap in my face every time I see them, but it says to me.
‘Hey, I like you…just not as much as these people.”
Douchebaggery at its finest, wouldn’t you say?
It’s absolutely amazing to me, that in this gigantic popularity club that we live upon called earth, people still find new and totally thoughtless ways to ignore people.
What’s even more amazing to me, is that I’m even amazed by that, people are just thoughtless by nature.
…At this point I’m somewhat running out of steam, I woke up finding all this really upsetting me, and I don’t know why. Perhaps because my latest submission gained as much notice as an amoeba doing the cha-cha on the back of someones butt. That’s something else that’s been troubling me, seems the harder I work on a picture, the less notice it appears to get from people. If anything most my pictures do is loose me watchers lately, makes a person want to go back into solitude from posting artwork online.
I’d bother to post on DA, if I didn’t get such an ‘anti-fur’ vibe from that place. But that’s probably only because one of the wonderful folks who actually bothered to draw my tiger fursona, who posted it there, got some kind of ‘fur-faggatory’ comment in response to it.
Much as I love the word ‘faggatory’ much as the next irreverent fuck, I didn’t really appreciate it being used on something posted of me.
The bumper sticker was right, people really do suck.
Anyways…I think that’s it for me. To those who bothered to read this, I apologize, but I had to get this off my chest SOMEWHERE. I can’t in good conscious do it on FA, I don’t want to risk losing anymore watchers, nor come off as nothing more than an attention whore, as more often than not, rants of this sort of instantly dismissed as that. I still wanted to vent, but I figured might as well do it where I know less people will see it, if anyone does.
Hopefully I can continue on posting weekly with a virtual smile on my face, because honestly folks…when I post on FA, and when I visit FA, I’m rarely smiling on the inside, or the out in real life. One thing I’ve learned though if anything from my ‘asshole’ years online is that people prefer you to come off happy and chipper, even if you’re not feeling well. Seems more often than not I have to pretend these days, though I’m happy in my real life, online is nothing but a reminded of how much a nobody I really am, and nobody likes to be reminded of that.
…especially nobodies like me.
…HOW’S THAT FOR DRAMATIC?!!
*puts on a top hat and shimmies off the page*